Monday, February 20, 2006

IIM-L : Double trouble...


Bonjour Bengaluru !!! Long time no see.

Yes, the smirk on my face would probably say it all. Its not even been a week since my ‘K’-stint and here I am… back again to try all the dirty con jobs they teach you in those endless ‘How to perform well in a GD/Interview’ quickbooks. Balderdash! – for now, it would suffice if you remember this strange-sounding word, we’ll come back to it later.

Well, to be honest with you – ever since I scrawled my itinerary for the next two months on the back of my Sharma’s bus ticket, and much to my horror – realized that by gallivanting across the country I’d be carving a not-so-pretty hole in my savings – travel seems less of a pleasure and more of a compulsion.

Bangalore, though never fails to entertain me. Why? Simply because this motley congregation of few of my closest friends makes sure I have the best of times, always – in fact even at times, when I should not be having ‘the best of times’. :) A typical scene would involve - me lying propped up against this punctured pillow, trying to skim through endless Wikipedia downloads, CEO Bikram hollering away his latest Thinkpad quotes to some poor guy at the receiving end … upstairs, Ricky Martin tirelessly singing his Alle Alle… as a hapless Rose tries to keep pace with Mademoiselle Sohini – who btw, is on her very own ‘hazardous-for-beginners’ Salsa teaching spree.

February 20th, 2006 : My IIM-Lucknow interview @ Bangalore

When you have an interview at 2:00 pm in the day, you have the liberty of allowing yourself to sleep late. Some people do not sleep that late. The fundamental problem with people like ‘Yours truly’ (YT) is that our definition of the word ‘late’ changes with the number of times we put our blaring phone-alarms back to the snooze mode. Finally at ten, I know I’m late. Damned late night mock-tattoo sessions. :D !!!

Barring the SAP guy the others were of course still in dreamland. The next few hours were a blur. I know that I survived the ordeal of ironing the shirt, polishing the worn-out Red Tape, doing a mini-treasure hunt for my wallet, ironing a second shirt because the first one completely ballooned me(refer to previous post), filling in the form and coming to think of it…pasting a pretty funny pic of myself on it. By 12:45, I was on my way.

Contrary to the Kozhikode interview, the atmosphere about the Lucknow batch of students seemed markedly different – as if the facilitators had deliberately cast a cloak of ennui over the proceedings. Something told me, this was the calm before the storm. After all, IIM-Lucknow was known for its so-called stress interviews. There were four different panels with applicants ranging from seven to nine in number. Familiar faces – not only some of those from the Kozhikode interview, but some of my friends in IIM-Bangalore, who made sure that this time around I did not leave the premises without meeting them.

Okay, now this was when it started getting spooky. It was two – and we hadn’t even registered yet. After all, wasn’t someone supposed to come and go through our certificates and application form before the proceedings began? Apparently not. Well, you know what they say – cases like these, better not to have any presumptions – and I was about to learn it the my way – the hard way :) !

All in all, we were having our own little kitty-party, the present students dispensing with their ‘do’s and don’ts’ while some of us were busy exchanging newspaper headlines and latest Sensex figures, when suddenly, almost as if she was hiding behind one of us all this while – the lady stepped out. It was only after the initial shock, did we notice the other one - him, with his laid-back, self-satisfied grin – and laid-back, self-satisfied belly.

Ladies and gentlemen, we were ready to roll !

The law-makers : snapshots.

If you are a Harry Potter-fan, then it might make things a little easier for you. Picture Professor McGonagall. Done? Picture her? With her stern, no-nonsense look – the specs perched precariously on the bridge of her nose – her eyes looking not at you, but actually through you? Good. Now, picture a much much sterner version of her. Not possible? Aloha baby, welcome to my GD. Extremely refined and high-society – the kinds you would not even want to mess with, lest they make mincemeat of you in public – elderly, yet incredibly sharp – with a gait that makes you look out for the billowing cloak that actually was never there. I’m gonna refer to her as ‘HighSociety’ for the rest of the passage.

Ever seen the average pan-chewing pot-bellied baniya businessman? No, not you – if you happen to read this and get offended, but you know – the types who you could just picture donning a dhoti and sitting on a charpoy…. chewing tobacco and asking the next-door Banwari if he has plans of mortgaging his property.

Lesson No. 486 of life – Truth is often stranger than fiction.

We’ll call him ‘BigB’ for now – you could take your pick between ‘BigBelly’ and ‘BigBusinessman’ – not that it would help his ‘curves’ (patience…. you’ll find out soon).

HighSociety: Panel No. VIII – everybody, yes – please fall in a single line in front of me as I call out your names. Single file, please.

Names were called that totaled to nine. And I found myself eighth – with the kind of line in front of me that you see when you do this thing called P.T. (Physical Training) in Sixth grade and you’re tall enough to be pushed behind 4/5th of the class. I was half-tempted to a one-arm distance measurement, but ah! the snake had already started winding its way into the room.


The law-breakers : mugshots.

King Arthur’s knights – that’s what we felt like as we sat around the table. It was impossibly round – heck, now this was new. A quick look around the group – you know….. the ‘sizing-up’ bit – and something told me that this group might not be as peace-loving as the last one. There was, for instance – this guy with 6, yes SIX knowledgeable years of work-experience, the guy in the coat who’s Dad kept whispering ‘beta, achha pesh aana… first class pesh aana’ – the grim fello’, Mr.Mustachios..a few others – and the one lady in our group.

BigB: So… Good Afternoon everybody ?
Trust me – for a moment, I was actually scared we would end-up doing the typical school sing-song GoooooodMoooorneeeeeeeengSaaaaar.

All: (enthusiatically) Good Afternoon, Sir.

BigB: So.. everybody has had lunch, I suppose. We can begin, right ?

While most of us kept quiet and fought hard to keep culinary temptations far far away from our minds.. somebody mumbled a feeble ‘yes’. Voila… HighSociety cuts in with her characteristic assertive voice.

HighSociety: Everybody, please leave your application forms on the table. I will come around and collect it. You will be given a topic – and the first ten minutes require you to write a 150 word essay on it. The Group Discussion on the same topic will commence immediately after that.

And that was all! Before we knew it, the interview application forms were whisked away – sheets were distributed. At this point, one small mention – full credit to the guys who posted their experiences at this life-support system for all MBA-applicants – Pagalguy.com. We weren’t completely blindsided by the thought of penning an essay… after all, we did it in school – how difficult could it be.

Mr.Murphy could you please stop smiling up there ?!?!?!

HighSociety: Please note down your topic –

Peace and harmony exists because of threat of violence.

You may start now.

What the ?! You serious ?! Hell – I haven’t even filled in my details in the essay sheet – I turned to look at what the other guys were doing – then caught myself, surely I wouldn’t want to be the guy who was looking at the others while everybody else was busy scribbling their essays. But then again – I wasn’t even sure of whether she said – ‘threat of’ or ‘threat or’ [:o]

HighSociety: I hope everybody has understood the topic.

Like hell yeah, as if any one of us would have the sllab to say ‘No, Ma’am could you please explain it further’.

Thing is – when Kaushik Mukherjee writes, he does not write nineteen-to-the-dozen, he writes nineteen and then another dozen – when all he should be writing is five (as you must have figured out from the posts). So I started on a joyride through Nonsenseland, past the Fountain-of-Bullshit and down Gibberish Lane. Before I knew it, ten minutes of ‘artistic-from-far, illegible-from-near’ hand-scribbling was over. Mentioned about the changing values of peace in todays world and how a peace which is dependent on threat would be too dynamic an equilibrium to stand the test of time. Quoted examples of the Iran-US conflict, Danish cartoonist, Southern Comfort (I love this example) to sketch an idea of peace being relative to the people who define it, and real harmony could only be attained if we based it on values such as truth and justice and not violence.

BigB: Okay then, start !

What already ?! Well, I had almost expected somebody to jump the gun and start a rabid monologue, but then – 1 second….. 2 – ahem, I was almost gearing up for a completely unprepared entry when the guy with the experience started off. Great ! Now, why did I even think of beginning – when I knew that some amount of ‘ethical piggybacking’ would be necessary in a topic like this. Simply because I knew that with each long-drawn passing second, I knew our chances as a group were on an exponential decrease. Nevertheless, the crisis had been averted – speaker 1…. Speaker 2… and there we go – I love no.3 – WHAM ! ‘Yes.. I would agree with you – and in support the example of…’ Muhahaha !!! and the show was on the road.

All in all the GD was a roller-coaster ride where the guys decided to fight it out with each other with the sole hilarious exception of times when the lady spoke. Ridiculous is not the word for it – one moment we would be crisscrossing verbal Zorro Z’s on each other – and then the lady would start – ‘But the topic, if actually look ed at from the angle which it was originally meant to be looked at…’ :x Lady ! That’s 5 seconds – somebody interrupt ! ‘Earlier we had God and then we had peace and today even now when we have God and the peace is no longer…’ Somebody please… !!! 12 seconds of uninterrupted talk ! 15seconds… Could not take it anymore – had to cut her short – with a very lame ‘But, would that be the case in the present? Today we have situations like…’ Wham ! And I was speeding away with my own example. That is when the gentleman next to me became increasingly interested in religion and that particular aspect of the topic – MAYDAY ! MAYDAY !

Actually, mayhem was more like it – priceless moments. We shutting up collectively everytime the lady spoke, and almost all her sentences began with – ‘If we look at the topic…’ And then when this fresher was speaking about some vague war and grim’ fello tries to put his point forward – and KABLAM! He says ‘excuse me! Please let me complete..’ Boy o boy ! The lady did a little ‘We are all simply shouting’ whining in the middle – as I barely managed to put it lateral points such a Mother Teresa and the impact of peace and terror on the World Economy – rattled off some FDI/FII jazz so that if BigB and HighSociety noted that and quizzed me on it later, I would come good.

BigB: Okay… okay. That was a very nice GD, yes ?

Amazing. First he gets entertained and then he asks us ?

BigB: We will have the interviews starting from ‘One’. Please take a 10-minute break. We will start after that.


Now this was when the extremely hospitable Alaap showed me around his campus - beautiful campus with couple of pretty exchange-program lasses to push the whole place one rung higher in this imaginary respect-ladder I maintain. And this was when I decided to pen what you would have seen, had you stopped by this journal before now.

“ You know what's cool ?
Sitting here inside the IIM-B Computer Centre and jotting down this bit in the break between my GD and the Interview.
GD over. Not a very likable topic !! Did OK.
Waiting for the interview.Wish me luck ”


Fire-n-Ice

Having met Therian(who was kind enough to call me up and abuse the hell outta me sometime last week for not meeting him during my K-interview), Bhaduria and a couple of others, I was back to the grind. As number 7 – this smart chap called Shireesh exited the room, I tucked my ‘economy airline’-special edition of Businessworld inside my folder. A few minutes back, I had visited the restroom to do a final tune-up of the whole hair-in-place, tie-neatly-down-the-centre rigmarole, when who would have walked – but BigB. Now, I know that I could broken the ice with him – but frankly, I did not feel like breaking anything with him over there. The very fact that he was next to me – was pretty unnerving, ummm… call it stage fright :)

Apparently, our panel was a benevolent one – and Shireesh simply told me to knock and go right in.

Hell, yeah. Knock – (smart rap on the door) – May I come in? Confident, as I put my first foot inside the room where I would try my hand at winning destiny over to my side.

BigB: Please wait outside, we’ll call you in a minute.

[:o] Damn – now why, me !

HighSociety: Come in please.

Now as I entered, I turned to close the door behind me. It was at this point that I noticed that no matter how hard I tried, I could not close that dratted door. There was this crazy doorstop which had decided to act-up – that very day, that very moment – and before long, I saw HighSociety walking towards me – Oh! No! Should I bend and straighten it with my hands? My foot seemed jammed – and on top of that the lady’s like almost next to me.

YT: Uh… ma’am that’s alright, I’ll manage. (And with a final flick of the toe, straightened the doorstop and was about to slam the door shut)

HighSociety: Oh no…. I need to go out for a while. Please carry on.

Wonderful, Mr.Mukherjee – great going. Well, not that I did not wait till she had left the room to shut it, but hell – I could have sure as hell done without that.

BigB was goin through my interview application leaflet as I eased into the chair – actually, honestly – anything but ‘eased’.

BigB: So..Kaushik Mukherjee (nods at me very encouragingly)
YT: Yes, sir ?!

BigB: So you're coming from Calcutta ?
YT: No Sir, actually from Hyderabad. That is where I am working presently. The address on the form is the same as that on my CAT admit card – my permanent address.

BigB: Oh so working in Oracle? And.. oh, drawing a handsome salary ?!
YT: Well Sir – the figure you see there is actually the cost-to-company divided by 12. In reality, the figure is much less than that.

BigB: Oh… so ‘in-hand’ how much?
YT: For some reason, I always thought people asked this only if they were considering me as a prospective son-in-law… was about to feel a little giddy about the idea….when I pictured BigB as a father-in-law.. HEEELP !!! Sir, its about XX,XXX.

BigB: Okay so, Schooling – where did you do ?
YT: Now this was strange – normally they would simply ask the stereotypical ‘tell-me about yourself’ question.. and here this guys was actually asking me the stuff in instalments. Sir, Don Bosco Scool – Calcutta is where I did all 12 years of my schooling.

BigB: Good.. good and then… BITS, Pilani ? Good – what is your specialization ?
YT: This is exactly when I took a mental oath of making a fleeting reference of EEE and shifting the topic asap. Sir, Electrical and Electronics.

BigB: Screws up his face. Electrical or electronics ?
YT: Powerless. Sir, it’s a degree called EEE – where both are included – we also have E&I where it is Electronics and Instrumental. EEE is what I did.

BigB: Why joined?
YT: Started off on a speech about how Comp.Sci was my first choice and how inspite of having one of the best scores in the country…blah blah I landed up with the second choice, and I had to make a trade-off – chose the brand-name of BITS, Pilani – pursued my interests in the software field though electives and projects..

BigB: Ahem…I meant – why are these two joined… Electrical and Electronics – any idea?
YT: Flushing a beetroot red – oh, I am sorry Sir. I think I misunderstood your question. Its been the structure of the university prescribed course for quite a while now.

BigB: What was your major and what was your minor…
YT: No! he was about to ask me questions on my weakest link. Sir, we did not have the concept on major and minor, it was an integrated course.

BigB: Hmmmm….. So you know Electrical…
YT: Helpless. Sir, I studied Electrical subjects..

BigB: Hmmm… And you know Electronics also…
YT: Buried. Sir, I studied Electronics subjects…

BigB: So Electrical and Electronics - you know both ?
YT: Buried alive. Slightly nodded my head – I think I mumbled something, but it was barely audible.

BigB: Suddenly breaks into a grin. So you have two feathers in your cap !!!
YT: Frankly, this confused the hell outta me. What next ?

BigB: Screws up face. Then Oracle ? That is then your 3rd feather ?!
YT: Yessir – you are right Sir – one on my right wing, three on my rump – and I’m the chicken who’s behing this HYN1 avian-virus scare… wtf? Sir, its in contination with what I always loved doing…. har har har !!!

BigB: So…Is EEE helping you with your job...
YT: Gave a pretty evasive answer about how EEE course topics are not in use since we work on Loyalty Development – but core problem analyzing skils help us form algorithms and develop code from the framework of the solution.

BigB: Oh.. what so what do you do at work ?
YT : Sir.. Oracle CRM – blah blah – first team to develop a product entirely I India…

BigB: Interrupts – what do you do ?
YT : with a meek nod. Develop the customer value assessment program to assess a member’s chances of moving up or down a hierarchy.

BigB: So you write the algorithm also ?
YT : Yes sir, I do !

BigB: So is there no difference between computer science graduate and you...
YT: Told them about how the selection procedures and criteria were different. Job profiles were different. Separate panel to question them during the campus interviews.

BigB: So is there discrimination in your team… between a comp-Sci graduate and you ? Do you face any difficulties ?
YT: Told them about my interests... and electives - OOP and DP. And how it has put me in a favourable position in my team. Of course, what I did not mention there is that the number of non-CS guys in our team outnumber the CS-guys by quite a sizable margin.

BigB: So you're as good as any other computer science graduate in your team?
YT: Oh, even better Sir – on second thoughts, I kept shut and uttered a simple ‘Yes, Sir!’

BigB: What does your father do?
YT: Gave a brief intro about his being the general manager(projects) at Techno India Ltd.

BigB: So is he also an engineer ?
YT: Now honestly – this guy actually began each and every one of his sentences with ‘so’ ! Yessir – Electrical from BHU.

Time seemed to be moving on at its own pace. He had conveniently (for me) drifted off the dreaded topic of ‘technical acads’ – was this it? Had I nailed it?

BigB: Tenth marks…interrupts my thought process midway… 92.8…good! Twelfth marks – 96.25…. very good!
YT: As I put on my modest-best smile and tried to mutter a silent thank-you to the One above for choosing me as His gifted child-of-the-day..suddenly…very suddenly..I felt the ground beneath my feet slip.

BigB: BITS, Pilani…7.49 !!?!? Not very good – and that look. He was actually looking straight into my eyes – demanding an explanation without even asking me for it – And then in management, even lower ?
YT: No way!!! Sir – if you notice, my grades 3rd year was the ‘nadir’ (me and my big words) after which I have been steadily been on an uptrend – if you notice my final semester grades and the CAT scores. Hah! How would he know about the magical healings powers of the thing we call practice school.

BigB: No.. no… but I have just these figures in front of me – if you see the graph is going down now. Can you draw a graph.
YT: Trust me… I was so involved in the discussion that I did not notice my index fingers doing a few snazzy orchestra bandmaster movements as I tried tracing the curve of my imaginary intellect – okay, make that – imaginary curve of my intellect.

BigB: Would you need a pen? Here… draw it on this pad. And proudly opened an IIM-Lucknow writing pad on the desk.

YK: Kaushik @ work. I carefully drew the axes – performance on the y-axis and time on the x-axis.. was busy plotting the years, when...

BigB: Umm…. What is all this?
YT: Sir – these are the first twelve years… and then…

BigB: I have just three figures… plot them on the graph.

As I hastily redrew a more simpler graph, the HighSociety finally decided to get back to the room. As she neared the table, I made a conscious attempt to break my graph-sketching for a long enough pause to greet her as she sat down. In retrospect, I think this little thing went down rather well with her. Its funny how little things can sometimes set the tone for loads to come. It even funnier, perhaps that the fact that I wished her ‘Good morning’ at about 4 in the late afternoon – ceased to matter.

HighSociety: To BigB, maybe he could include his CAT scores in this graph?
BigB: Not necessary.

Back to the graph. See, I’m no Picasso – and while I can do a mean graph – when it came to this one graph – I was very very careful to make sure than the lows did not actually look like … you know real ‘low’ lows – but the other half of me – was intent on making the high – seem like a real ‘high’ high. End product – as inverted a U as I could have possibly not wanted – almost like the sad Yahoo! Smiley – sheesh – I was half scared that the paper would have reflected my state… and who would interrupt but BigB.

Heck, I wanted to cover all possible angles of questions - 360 degrees, you get me ?!
...Front - why is the low not low enough... Sir, relative - so its more than average.
...Back - Why is the high so high - sir, one of the top 10 scores in Science in the Country.
...Left - Why the downtrend ? Nadir, baby !
...Right - Where's your consistency ? Sir, its like life where you go through ups and down - and right now I'm on an uptrend with a 99.92 percentile to boot.


BigB: Ahem… so Kaushik - what kind of a graph is that ?
[:o] Kill me, quick ! Even after covering all the directions, forgot that our BigB plays a 3D ballgame. KABLAM ! I could almost feel his weight on my head.

YT: Umm... what kind of graph? Well before I started orchestrating Mozart's 666th symphony, I decided to go clean on this one. Sir.. I’ve studied graphs a long while back and while this does seem familiar – I would not want to wager a guess and end up being wrong in the bargain. (Hyyuck – wordsmith me!!!)

BigB: Oh.. guess – Normal ? What is it ?
YT: He’s throwing names at me. Hell – two can play at that game. Sir, I have studies Poisson, Gaussian and other graphs – but that was a long while back.

BigB: Okay.. What is a mumbo-Jumbo-Gaumbian curve ?
YT: blink182 – seriously, that’s all what I did and that is exactly what the name of the graph sounded like – blink. Sir…again, I would have to pass on this one as I am not sure.


BigB: See, then your graph would be where I would want you to be.
YT: Oh Sir – so it goes up again after this ?

BigB: In a very patronizing – No, my child tone : In a mumbo-jumbo-gaumbian curve, there are no downs – it keeps increasing till a level and then it stays there – consistency – it is consistency
YT: Now this is what I hate about myself – at that instant, you would not believe what almost slipped out of my mouth – ‘yes sir ! just like a low/high/band pass filter’ Now firstly, I did not say that…. Mostly, because I was not sure whether it was a band-pass, low-pass or a high-pass filter this colourful mind of mine had conjured up. Can you imagine what would have happened had I actually said that ?


HighSociety finally decides to take some interest in me. Actually, by this time I had quite warmed up to her. Then again, BigB had not left much of me to be decimated – so I wondered what this lady would get at.

HighSociety: Kaushik… how many calls do you have ?
YT: Faking a very very convincing modest look. Ma’am – I have calls from all the IIMs.

HighSociety: So what is you criteria for choosing a b-school ?
YT: Awrite – time to go for the kill. Started on a monologue where I talked about people falling prey to magazine rankings – spoke of first-hand knowledge of people who had joined institutes only to find that it did not really match their profile. Told them, I would go for a b-schools which would suit my profile.

HighSociety: Interrupts…what is this profile? I’m not too sure if I understand..
YT: Told them that in any b-school the output is heavily dependent on what we take to the b-school. It is upto us to marry the facilities of the institute to the value we bring in by virtue of our profile – explained with personal example – Oracle work-ex, BITS Pilani. Now to let out a little secret – I had read up a little bit about IIM-L, and this is when I decided to try my hand at showing them how interested I really was. Spoke about HEPP – Higher Entry Placement Program – how it would benefit somebody with more than 20 months of workex.

BigB: Cuts in. But that’s there in every school.
YT: Told them that they that Special Interest Groups and Value Learning Labs which would benefit people with entrepreneurial interests – much like me. And then…. Suddenly.. almost too suddenly – before I could react.

HighSociety: But why are you pitching for IIM-L? I never asked you why you wanted to join IIM-Lucknow?

OMG! Oh MG! Oh My G !!! OH MY GOD !!!! Yes… yes… of course – she was right ?! What the hell was I trying to do blurting out the right answers to the wrong question. I decided to give it one last shot. If there was any way out of this near-fatal move, it would be conviction – true-blue, pure conviction.

Now my conviction is about as blue as your hair is red. And in any case, if you happen to be a redhead reading this – How’re you doin?

YT: Ma’am – I was just taking IIM-Lucknow as example in the present case, of course given the hypothetical situation that I do have an option of choosing between bschools, I would see which one suits my needs the best.

HighSociety: What are some of the criteria which these magazines use to rate bschools?
YT: Ma’am – there’s average placement salary (NEVER! Ever mention this as the first point – mistake !!!!) I had realized it – but tried to cover it up with a quick succession of other points – industry linkage, faculty(again in a semi-hushed tone), infrastructure, alumni-network, curriculum, etc.


HighSociety: So you’re saying the magazine ratings do not affect you?
YT: No ma’am – they don’t, and I’m very positive about that.

At this point, my gaze suddenly shifted to BigB and what I saw put me in a bit of a fix. See had his head cocked to one side – one eyebrow arched over the other – peering at me with the open eye – as if he had this virtual rifle dangling in front of him and he was taking deadly aim at my temple.

Bravo! Bullseye Belly ! LOL !


HighSociety: Okay Kaushik, should the IIMs go global ?
YT: Now that’s what I’m talking about. Told them that I’m aware of the Union HRd Ministry’s viewpoint of the IIMs establishing more centres within the country. Pointed out that there were already 1000+ b-schools within the country and with the kind of reputation that the IIMs enjoy within the country – founding many more IIMs would lead to ‘brand dilution’ -

BigB: Had to cut in – I think he heard me call him ‘Bullseye belly’. But you're saying there won't be brand dilution if we open campuses abroad ?
YT: Spoke about the IIMs being the finest product of the Indian Education system – and how it has made path-breaking progress in churning out a world-class pool of managers. Added that international presence needs to be extended beyond exchange programs – IIMs are at times globally underrated – unfairly, but this stems from lack of knowledge and chance – given the opportunity to expand globally, the IIMs would definitely have what it take to leave its mark on the international b-school scene.

HighSociety: Arches her eyebrows. Okay…thank you, Kaushik.
BigB: Thank you. All the best.

All the best ? Strangely, my first impulse was to mutter a cheerful ‘Thank you – same to you’ ! Come on – after all, that’s what we have been telling each other through those 12 years of school, to before CAT and even now – right before I entered this room. Thankfully, I managed a polite ‘Thank you. Have a nice day’ before getting off-stage.



In retrospect


Balderdash! Ah, that is where we started from, didn’t we. Two down and if there is one thing which I have learnt from these – its that sometimes we really need to be who we are and let our instincts guide us along the way we have to walk. The present lays down far too many do’s and dont’s along our lives than it actually should. When a herd is bound by the same set of binary truths – we cease to exist as individuals, we become one amongst the crowd. We browse websites and journals for answers to questions that look at us in the face and ask – ‘Why do you want to do an MBA?’ Strengths, weaknesses – achievements… Questions, which we as children could have answered before we spelt M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I. All said and done – if you have been confident enough to walk the path that brought you to this point, the biggest advantage you have could be you, yourself – unbound.

Tame birds sing. Wild birds – they fly.
I'll see you next after the 28th-1st double-whammy of Indore and Ahmedabad.

Sing for the Moment

"It's a damp cold night.
Trying to figure out this life

Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new...
I don't know who you are, but I'm..."

- I'm with you, Avril Lavigne.

Verdict : Selected for the PGP batch of 2006-2008.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

IIM-K : First Blood...


There are times in your life when you know you have worked really hard for the occasion you’re about to face. Times like these, you can feel the adrenaline rushing through your veins, your heart drumming a frenzied beat – and your face wearing the determined look that would easily put any of your fellow competitors to severe discomfiture. But at other times….. oh well – there are experiences like the one I am going to narrate.

At this point in time, I think there is something about me that you need to know. When I say that I have actually had the craziest of experiences on Valentine’s Day, I mean it. From decorating red envelopes with mini-red hearts to avoiding security-chowkis by climbing walls to actually spending an entire day in bed – (hang on) – down with cold and viral fever, and sadly exchanging the absolutely wrong kind of virus.

And I thought I would limit the feathers in my already-colourful cap to that. Apparently, not.

I had been in town for about two days already – and although my initial plan was to make judicious use of the time in hand to prepare, I actually ended up shopping for formals and stationery for the better part of my stay. The remaining was of course carefully allocated to serially bugging three of my best friends ever – Bikram, Roshith and Sohini – guys I was staying over with in Bangalore.

February 14th, 2006 : My IIM-Kozhikode interview @ Bangalore.

Now my ideal time for an interview is about 11:30 in the night – you know, the time you’re not too sleepy and not too drunk in case you’re out. Oh heck, in any case you can wrap it up in half-an-hour to be in time for your ‘midnight mistletoes’. IIM-Kozhikode apparently thinks otherwise. When they say 0930 hrs, they actually do not mean 9:30 a.m. – they mean even earlier.

‘Candidates are requested to report to the centre well in advance for the group discussion and interview’ – Drat !

And thus on an otherwise uneventful Tuesday morning, Sleepy Kaushik and Zombie Bikram inched through the Banerghatta road traffic to reach IIM-Bangalore, which was my centre for the interview. Well, little did I know, that it was about to get pretty pretty eventful.

The façade. Now that’s what I’m talking about – although I do admit that I haven’t seen those of the other IIMs, but this one was very very impressive. In fact, so much so that I was literally scared that in answer to a probable interview question – ‘Why do you want to join IIM-Kozhikode ?’, I would have probably replied – ‘I want to join IIM-Bangalore because…’ J

Focus shifted with a jolt when I suddenly noticed this all-important guy with a display book in hand, suited-booted like it was winter in Seattle – yes, an interviewee. To think, that I had barely begun to cope with my restricted movements in my formal attire. Yes, a tie, shirt and trousers is formal enough for me, thank you !

After meandering through a maze of corridors, I landed up at a corridor where a couple of edgy-looking (if you know what I mean) aspirants shifted uneasily on their chairs. There seemed to be just a handful of them, say 8-9 and I decided to make conversation to do the proverbial ‘easing myself into the situation’ bit.

‘Hey, this is the IIM-K interview thing right ?’

‘No. This is for IIM-L’

End of conversation.

:o L ? ‘L’ as in Lucknow – hey, I was pretty sure it was K! K for Kozhikode, man ! Thankfully before my blood-pressure decided to do a Bubka, I was told that the Kozhikode interviews were on a different floor.

Walk…walk..walk.. oh freak !!! 9:10….jog….trot…wait! no trot – me not a horse – jog…scamper…set tie straight…see a few people…. Slow into a huffy-puffy walk. Ah, we have arrived ! But woah – what was this mini congregation over here ? This was no 8-9 semi-nervous students – some 30 of them. And everybody seemed pretty nice and happy about being there. As if the proverbial ‘nerves of steel’ were suddenly on sale and that too at a 50% rebate….oh heck.

I was done with submitting my interview form and academic certificates and decided to make a quick trip to the restroom to check if the formals were in place – and by that, I mean no weird bulges at odd places. Hate it when the shirts decide to balloon out in all weird direction – ummm, I might be battling a bulge – but NOT the MRF Zappers you see on TV.

No sooner did I return than they started splitting the mob into three different panels. I was a part of the first panel – third in number, and on cursory inpection found my panel-mates to be pretty civilized. Ideally, if you go by what the gurus say, you ought to break the ice within your group before you hit the Group Discussion – it gives you a feeling of familiarity when you speak. And if you go by what actually happens, the IIM profs are too smart - they whisk you away before you can spell IIM and before you know it, you’re actually in the hot seat.

Well, I did meet this one guy fourth-year guy who had scored a 100 percentile in DI and PS – and trust me, it did not do any good to my confidence. Our names were called, as the two interviewers indicated the position where we would be sitting.

To give you a clearer idea, if the interviewers were ‘Y’ and we were ‘X’, our positioning was actually somewhat like what is given below.


..........X..........X..........X..........X.....
Y -------------------------------------
Y -------------------------------------
..........X..........X..........X..........X.....


Oh, and I’m bold – well, usually.

Meet the Moderators

Well, there were two of them and unlike the proverbial ‘good cop-bad cop’ couple – they seemed more like a ‘I do not speak – yes, I speak’ pair. The gentleman in the left seat was one of those who look at you and most irritatingly, do not speak. The ‘70s black, thick-rimmed glasses, dishevelled hair and an attitude to spare. Umm… lemme name him ‘Snooty’. The one in the right seat, seemed like your over-the-hill HR executive – little squeaky and a little pesky with litte hair and a lot of questions… we’ll call him ‘Squeaky’ for now.

Squeaky : The topic for the GD is given on the paper in front of you. Please use it to note down any thoughts about the topic. The same will be collected at the end of the discussion.

Snooty : You have 2 minutes to read the topic and 10 minutes to discuss.

Okay, this is it – whats it gonna be ? Indian Economy – hah, I’ve mugged that one. Indian politics ? Hmmm….. might have to do a bit of ‘stealth-piggybacking’… Should I begin ?

Turn the page.

“History has taught us that nothing is often the best thing to do and the cleverest thing to say” - (forgot the name of the guy)

[:o ] Bamboozled. But only for the first 15 seconds or so, while I drew my customary three-column structure and separated my thoughts into examples, opinions and ‘trumps’. As a rule, I have never been very bullish on being the first one to speak in a GD, unless the topic is something I am well-versed in. Sure enough, no sooner had Snooty snorted a ‘Start’ – the one to my right shot off…History.. blah blah.

Okay..5….10…15 secs…bang ! interrupt – this lady sitting opposite to me jumps in with her thoughts on the topic… hey ! 2 speakers up already – awrite baby…. GERONIMO !!!!!!!!!!!!! ‘The good and bad of this society happens because of the sanction we give it’ – and yours truly had jumped in all guns blazing. Thing is, this first statement kinda took everyone else in the room by surprise – and to my glee and amusement, I wedged in a substantial amount of airtime – where I quoted the Manjunath Shanmugam incident and the pros and cons of being passive as opposed to being proactive. Very soon, it turned out to be a lively discussion. Lively – yet pleasant, no fish-markety stuff over here,

Examples galore – and everybody seemed to agree on the fact that in today’s world – we need a proactive stance with the right amount of caution to make the battle last. Last long enough to make a change. I pushed in the Indira Nooyi finger and the Southern Comfort whisky issue – and in the minutes that followed, everything from Jinnah to Khusboo was talked about. At this point, I decided to step in and underline the fact that yes, we had examples – but instead on showcasing them, we should move to deriving a conclusing from them.

The point was well-received, and although a few people did try squeezing in more examples, overall there seemed to be a consensus on the topic. In the last few minutes, the devil got the better of me and I tried playing on the word ‘often’ and examples where historical faux pas could have been avoided. A few more seconds, Snooty taps his pen on the desk – ‘That will be it. Thank you. Please wait outside for your interview’

All in all, a good discussion – and the eight of us exited the room feeling pretty nice about having broken the ice in a rather constructive manner.

Shaken not stirred

At this point, I had a reasonable feeling that the group had gone off the way I would have wanted it to. Not only had I managed the maximum airtime amongt the others, some of the points I had put forward very very close to the issue we were beating about. In the minutes before my turn, my certificates copies were checked with the originals and I even tried reading a businessworld issue about airlines in India, not to mention a sudden frantic call to Daddy-O to find out about the Governor of West Bengal. Man, all I needed to do was ace the interview….

You know, even as I say this – I have this eerie feeling that Snooty’s watching me… and actually chuckling from behind those horn-rimmed glasses. Why ? Lemme tell you why…

Snooty : Kaushik Mukherjee. Come in, please..
Moi : Yessir!

Party time !

As soon as I enter, I closed the door behind me. Squeaky was about to tell me to do so and stopped midway when he saw me in the process. Ah, Mr.Manners – there’s my first impression. Go! Go! Go!

Ah, they say the Lord is watching you. Well, in this case Mr.Murphy was.

Snooty suddenly extends his hand to me – amidst a split second confusion of whether he actually wanted to shake my hand or take the display folders in my hand, I handed him both my folder. One with all my certificates – and the other with wait.. lemme see – businessweek, printouts, businessworld, rough sheets. Kaushik… do something !!!! If he opens that – you’re fuckin’ fried meat.

Moi: Umm… Sir, this folder’s got my personal belongings.
Snooty: So why are you giving it to me ?

Moi: Sir, its got my degree certificate, if you’d want to have a look.
Snooty: Not necessary.

Whew! Just-in-time… now I understand what this JIT philosophy is all about. Snooty peruses through my certificates as Squeaky takes over.

Squeaky: So…almost one and a half years in Oracle CRM, tell me about what you’ve done.
Moi: Told them about the importance of our team - initially planned as competition for Siebel Loyalty - airline frequent flyer program - joined the team at its formative stages - saw the entire process of requirements gathering, technical and functional designing and in the last 6 months developing.

Squeaky: So u developed a CRM application for Oracle ?
Moi: (What the…!!!) Sir, I'm owner of a module - Customer value assessment module - blah blah - clubs and tiers - priviledge classes.

Squeaky: Have you used Data-mining techniques in this ?
Moi: [:o] No sir, I have developed a concurrent program to pick a batch of 10,000 member records and assess their chances (suicide no 1) of getting upgraded or downgraded acros a hierarchial listing of priviledge clubs.

Squeaky: So what technologies have you worked on ?
Moi: Mostly PL-SQL and Oracle Forms interface - the Oracle Concurrent manager.(thought I'd say Java - but really didn't want to give them a scope to screw my happiness).

At this point, Snooty breaks in which his own question….

Snooty: So what is the highest level you have achieved in anything ?

Oh, by the way, did I tell you ? I’m planning on directing a movie called ‘As vague as it gets’ – Snooty plays the lead in it, by the way.

Moi: Mmm... sir are talking about extra-curriculars or just academics..


Snooty: No… everything.
Moi: Disctrict level Swimming championships where I represented my university and won a gold and a bronze medal in the 50/100m freestyle events.

Thought it would settle down and create the kind of effect you see in the movies – you know the background music crescendo types. But Squeaky had to break in, of course.

Squeaky: {back to work !!!} So do you lead a team at Oracle ?
Moi: That would be incorrect Sir. [what a stuck up reply !!!] I joined as an Applications Engineer - and although I've had opportunities to lead teams of new recruits through the initial stages at Oracle, my designation reads 'Applications Engineer'

Squeaky: Okay, so in your field 'conditional probability' ought to play a big role - do you know what it is?
Moi: Yes sir (Suicide no. 2), Conditional probability - blah blah - theory of event A happening, where its occurence depends on the probablity of event B happening - where event B precedes A.

Squeaky: {blank look} I do not understand.
Moi: More bullshit - should have just said I'm not sure - damn ! In the middle - I drew an analogy of bals and cubes of different shapes and sizes in a bag split them into black and white colours…. and the guy just looked as if he wanted to add my 'two-bit' to the kitty as well !! Mentioned a P(A).P(B) somewhere – and then….BANG !

Squeaky: So conditional probablity is P(A).P(B) ?
Moi: Noooooooooo !!!! Beat a hasty retreat - repeated some stuff - he appeared pretty dissatisfied.

Squeaky: That is not Conditional probability. Again, how does this probablity apply in your field...
Moi: Apologized for the unsatisfactory explanation. Rambled on about probability of a person achieving a specific priviledge club, tier - etc. based on his attributes against which the evaluation process is done.

Squeaky: So can probablity to attributed to an individual ?
Moi: (What is this ? KBC – final round ??!!) Mumbled something about member attributes and the rules based on them, so better the member attributes higher the chances of satisfying a rule to gain access to a priviledge club. [should have mentioned Frequent Flyer Points, drat !!! forgot…] mentioned miles flown as a parameter – some MPC – miles per customer that I suddenly seemed to have invented out of nowhere…

Squeaky: Oh - so Jet ?
Moi: Why does Priviledge have to be only Jet ? I guess 'jet priviledge' - said - No, but one of the biggest airline players in the world.

Squeaky: What ? Oh – American Airlines ?
Moi: I had to specified Australia - I think that satisfied him !

Squeaky: So coming back - all individuals having say same attribute values, like miles flown would have equal opportunity ?
Moi: The way our model has been designed, it works on certain parameters - and yes, members having the same values in a specified attribute would stand the same chance - HAD to bail out - this was getting on my nerves.

Snooty: (wakes up) So which bike do you own?
Moi: A Hero Honda Karizma, sir. (should have added more zing! to it - a 2004 black Hero Honda ZMA - oh, and by the way - which kicks ass.)

Snooty: Which is the longest road journey you have done ? (I had mentioned one of my hobbies as long-distance biking)
Moi: 562 kms - Bangalore to Chennai - in one day.(Proudest moment of my interview)

Snooty: Which do you think is the best bike in India ?
Moi: Sir, that is a very debatable topic...

Snooty: (Interrupts) Still.. what do you feel..
Moi: Took time off... thought and thought hard - Bajaj Pulsar DTSi 150cc (didn't wanna sound as if I was narrow-minded and only a ZMA fan) Ideally, should have pointed out affordability, which I was about to - when this guy interrupts - damn !

Snooty: Are you a member of any biking club ?
Moi: Damn - blindsided - hadn't prepared - suddenly, XBHP struck a chord - mentioned that.Told him that the trips were usually with friends who had bikes of their own - as for long distance trips - I would anyday prefer a bike over a car.

Snooty: What is it ?
Moi: Started by Sandeep, Delhi - forum for bikeowners and lovers of all sorts. (Again, I should have mentioned - the Hyderabad meets we have.)

Snooty: Why not a touring bike ? How many touring bikes are there in India ?
Moi: Told them about my bike preferences. Thought for a while - mentioned 3-4, Enfield Machismo 535 cc, Enfiels 350 cc, metioned Bajaj Eliminator - 180 cc, said Enticer would not fall into that category as it had a 125cc segment bike which mostly catered to the segment who wanted it for in-city riding.(Suicide No. 3)

Now, believe me – even now if you ask me, I feel that Snooty owned an Enticer..

Snooty: Oh, so the Enticer is a useless bike ?
Moi: No !! Its not ! Won the 'best bike' award 3-4 years back, but the engine is not conducive for long distances.

Snooty: So which is the worst bike in India ? Is it the worst bike in India ?
Moi: (Honest and direct) Sir, I love bikes too much to say that there is a 'worst' bike in the market.

Snooty: Not Enticer? That truly has no character...
Moi: [:o] I swear to you I was pretty confused as to whether he was talking about me or the bike !!! If me, I swear I was at my wit’s end and could have snowballed him the next minute… in any case, I decided to ignore this comment.

At this point, Squeaky points out something in my gradesheet in a pretty animated manner. Snooty takes a look at it… no reaction !! I'm praying - please, no EEE !!! God heard my prayers :) But oh heck, I screwed up in any case...

Snooty: (aha! gotcha) Principles of Management - what did you do in that course ?
Moi: [Oh no… of allthe thing !!!] Ummm - did it a while back – basics of management - 4 P's of marketing by Philip Kotler, entry-level idea about the course - rules such as 'work expands to fill the available time' !!! (Call me bluffmaster)

Snooty: (Looks to the left) – “4 P's and work expands” - so thats all you did in that course ? (the two of them share a snide grin)
Moi: (Damn !) Apologized and said 'my mistake'(which I shouldn't have) did it a long while back and not fresh in my memory..

Snooty: (all of a sudden) Do you dream ?
Moi: For a second thought that I had mis-heard his question. Then - I carried on - 'Yes Sir, I definitely do'

Snooty: So what is your dream ?
Moi: Launched into a tirade about passing out from a b-school - touring the world - gaining a global perspective - find out about India and its software from a foreign perspective.... (interrupts)

Snooty: I asked you about your dream.
Moi: To launch my company by my early thirties, Sir.

Tap of the pen on the desk.

Snooty: Thank you Kaushik, That will be it.
Moi: Thank you, Sirs.

20 minutes to make. 20 minutes to break.


In Retrospect

Well, if there is one thing which I learnt from this – it was that your fate gets decided by 2 people in about 10+20 mins. So, lack of preparation should actually be the last excuse one should possibly resort to after reaching this far. God’s been good, I’d say. No Engineering questions. Well, not that they won’t be asked in the next one. So as for now, time to hit the facts – do some smart, effective mugging.

I’ll see you next after the 20th – my IIM Lucknow interview.

Sing for the Moment

“I don’t mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile…”

- She will be loved, Maroon 5.

Verdict : Selected for the PGP batch of 2006-2008.